Power Dynamics Within the Family
Power Dynamics Within the Family
I keep shaking my head. How can the same people who helped create this economic mess do nothing but criticize those who are trying to resolve the problem. While none of the experts know if this stimulus package will succeed, they all agree (democrat and republican alike) that we must act now or we are guaranteed of a disaster. Even then, there is more willingness to block progress than see what gains might be made.
I am reminded of how these power dynamics are much like those that go on in our families. In healthy systems there is a flow of communication, with differences of opinion being allowed. There is no tolerance for greed, because fairness appeals to the senses. In more dysfunctional family systems though, obstructing progress is commonplace. When winning and having things “my way” is a premium, family members suffer. Just like our current government situation, we can’t always affect the change that’s needed, but we sure can see what the problems are and not pretend that they are something else.
Look carefully at your relationships to notice who supports you to succeed and who blocks your efforts. Then, make some decisions to do something about that, not by changing the other people, but by changing how important you allow people to be in your life.
February 14th, 2009 at 6:50 am
As Washington lurches from one partisan stalemate to another, it’s thought-provoking for Jane to remind us that families are guilty of this too. It’s your point of view against my point of view, individuals competing for “who’s right?” But if you want to change government or family’s or couples’ relationships, you have to move from a power base to a trust base. Because with power, you’re not interested in closeness, only winning.
B. Hibbs, author of Try to See It My Way: Being Fair in Love and Marriage
February 14th, 2009 at 8:42 am
I’m trying to restructure a friendship so I’m no longer drained and depleted by the relationship. Jane’s words have been extremely helpful; I need to focus on the importance I allow this person to have and not on the hope of changing her. Thanks Jane!
February 16th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
I hear you Sara. I, too, am in the middle of restructuring. I have learned that being hurt repeatedly by someone who refuses to acknowledge their own role and responsibility in the relationship is not a “friendship” worth nurturing.
“Look carefully at your relationships to notice who supports you to succeed and who blocks your efforts. Then, make some decisions to do something about that, not by changing the other people, but by changing how important you allow people to be in your life.”
February 21st, 2009 at 1:08 pm
It occurs to me that attempts at controlling others typically means that there is an underlying insecurity in the one who needs to feel power over another. The economy relies on a belief that we are powerful and secure but when that belief in our economy or in ourselves is warped or challenged, we panic. Those in government, who lost the votes and now are being challenged, are panicking and trying desperately to hold on to their beliefs, even if they don’t make sense anymore. It strikes me that power is reliant on someone else supporting that notion. One is only as powerful as their supporters believe they are. I’m just beginning to learn this.