What Does “Overprotective” Really Mean?
What Does “Overprotective” Really Mean?
This week I had a conversation about someone’s “overprotective parent.” At age 11 when she wanted to go to camp, her mother reinforced her fears instead of reassure her that all would work out. My friend never left home in the summers and missed out on the growth that comes when we are away from home and able to count on ourselves to get us through situations.
Knowing that my friend has struggled for years with self-confidence and feelings of independence, I said “I wouldn’t call that overprotection.” Seemingly shocked to hear my words, she asked me to say more. “Well when you consider the term overprotective you have to define what it means to be protective. Protective is helping a child go forward even though they may feel scared. You mom gave in to your fears, she joined with you in that fear and thwarted an important opportunity for you to gain more courage and develop the skills for resilience.”
Watching my friend’s face open wide, I realized that my example made sense to her. Overprotection, can at times be a misnomer. To limit someone from doing something may or may not be protective. There are times, like in my friend’s situation, when it may be fear driven and motivated by what’s least challenging on the emotional level. Think about situations in your life that you have considered to be overprotective. To what extent were those times an indulgence in fear? When you look back, what do you imagine might have been different for you had your parent not responded in an “overprotective” manner?
February 21st, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Okay-so “overprotective” may actually be referring to protecting the parent’s feelings and not the child’s. Then I suppose the child could take on this experience as actual protection or attempts of. So as she/he grows up- she/he may feel fear in attempts to become independent, while not understanding what the actual fear is. She may feel fear as it relates to her parent’s fear of letting go and not understand that she, herself, has no real fear of independence alone. So it is least challenging for a parent to take the risk and let go and therefor pass down the same message to the child. Again- this reminds me of holding on to beliefs we think are best for us-even if they don’t actually come from us. Again- still learning.
February 21st, 2009 at 5:22 pm
I meant to say it is MOST challenging for a parent to take the risk and let go. The least challenge is to stay “safe” and hold on to their own way of thinking.
February 21st, 2009 at 7:34 pm
good subject,,,,,,,tho each individual has a unique makeup, whether physical or mental, and needs may vary as to their exposure to all,
there should be a heads-up to alert each to one or more
endangering items in future
paths. Just precautionary and no more than that.
February 23rd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Enjoyed this blog. The question of misplacing and replacing fear seems quite complex. Interesting, and something to think about.