The Hypocrisy of David Letterman
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jane-shure/the-hypocrisy-of-david-le_b_309796.html
Here we are once again confronted with yet another public figure who postures one way and acts another. Thursday night, after becoming the target of an extortion plot, David Letterman confessed, “Sure enough, contained in the package was stuff to prove that I do terrible things.”
In a glib tone, Letterman acknowledged that his affairs with women in the office were “creepy.” “Creepy,” you bet. What’s creepy is his willingness to abuse his power over the women who spend long hours engaged in efforts to please him, to laugh at his jokes, to help him be as effective as he can be. Underlings, regardless of how competent and accomplished they may be in their own right, often look up to, admire, and at times even adore their boss — especially if that boss flirts with them and makes them feel special.
Yes, people are magnets for feeling desired and adored. When faced with attention by someone we deem impressive and powerful, our egos go pitter patter with excitement and our brains get flooded with chemicals, often compromising our rational thinking.
The particular woman mentioned in documents sent to Letterman is his longtime personal assistant, Stephanie Birkitt. Reports say that their sexual relationship ended before Letterman was married in March. The accused perpetrator, Robert Joel Halderman, a producer for the CBS News program “48 Hours Mystery,” is said to have lived with Ms. Birkitt and recently moved out of the home they shared.
As a former mentor of mine once shared from his male perspective, “When we feel as though we’ve fallen in love, our IQ goes down 50 points and we no longer have access to rational thought.” In his later years, he struggled with his own sense of power and the abuse of it as well. Open with his shame for transgressing upon innocent others, he talked frankly with me and others in his attempt to manage his guilt and heal his suffering.
Both Letterman and his staff members acted on decisions that had great risk attached - risk of job loss, risk of public judgment and risk of reputation. Much as my mentor knew all too well, people are capable of convincing themselves that abusing their power over another is permissible and not really a big deal. It’s allowed because of how great it makes them feel; because above all else, it’s their narcissism that prevails. It’s what’s in it for them…with an assumption that the other person will fend for herself when the time comes for the liaison to end.
This “confession” needs to be framed in terms of “power over compared to power under” another person. This isn’t simply a case of philandering. It’s a case of refusing to set boundaries on how a “boss” treats his “staff members.” It’s a case of using ones leverage of position and power to call the shots.
Ilene Wasserman, a consultant to organizations on issues of gender and diversity, says that to constitute something as sexual harassment does not require that we only look at a situation from the eyes of the beholder. “Third party sexual harassment” is an official term used for describing those situations when preferential treatment is given to a particular employee who is sleeping with another employee. Ilene explains that “in cases where two people in the workplace become sexually involved, both parties need to change their status within the organization in order to mitigate even the perception that there might be preferential or biased treatment.
Let’s not just turn a blind eye to this situation simply because we appreciate David Letterman’s humor and want to continue to be entertained by him. Internal investigation needs to happen in order to determine if his conduct does or does not qualify as sexual harassment. Wherever the legal decision falls out, let’s use this as an opportunity to teach our children and our peers that they know there really are ways that seemingly likeable people (people we look up to and admire) take advantage of their position and act on their own greed. For more, check out http://janeshure.com/blog or http://selfmatters.org.
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October 6th, 2009 at 11:06 am
One more “poor wounded child of God” diatribe. When are you going to wake up and realize that it is YOU who demean women when you presume that any women who “spreads her legs” must have been overcome by the “big, powerful, nasty man”.
The lady in question was college educated, professionally degreed, and,presumably, had as many - or more - “options” available to her as any other professional, of either gender. Moreover, unless something has been published that I am unaware of, she has not complained.
Like the women from that not so famous Steven Segal movie who said “I believe in womens liberation- WHEN IT WORKS IN MY FAVOR- you presume that any time a women comes face-to-face with the reality that HER crotch is just that; not the be all and end all of everything, the BAD MAN must be at fault.
Two mature adults made the same adult decision; acted consistently therewith; and, later, moved on with no regrets. But for the criminal acts of a “scumbag”, who attempted to use the prominence of one of them for blackmail, the incident would still be exactly what it was: a private matter between two consenting, mature adults.
Do your GIRLFRIENDS a favor: give them the credit to be sufficiently mature to make their own ADULT choices, without the need for a contrived, psychobablic excuse based in the illusions of contrived inequality. The day you GIRLFRIENDS recognize and accept that “responsibility” and “accountability” go hand-in-hand with the right/ability/perogative to make grown up choices, the sooner you truly will “empower” yourselves.
October 6th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Yes. No matter how hard you apologize or lie, or make light of it to make us feel better- you still own it. You still abused your power. If you are a “creep” we could put you in that box and never resolve our thoughts about you. When you are not a “creep” because we, as society, accepts you or even admires you, then–I guess our IQ goes down. I am much more about what you own versus how you politically make us feel better. This is the missing piece. We would love to forgive the “good” people but when the “good” ones fail us- then what? They are humans just like the rest of us and have the same responsibilities as we do. What actually separates our judgments here? I don’t know.
October 6th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
As a woman, I find this article completely offensive. Time to move on from the 1950’s, Jane Shure. I think you’ve been watching too much “Mad Men”.
Describing women as spineless and incapable of making a rash decisions because she has emotions?!? That’s up there with Newt Gingrich saying women can’t serve in combat, “If combat means living in a ditch, females have biological problems staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections…”
Smart and funny is sexy in my book and that is why I personally find Letterman attractive. David Letterman paid all of his staff salaries during the writers strike. Entire staff, entire length of strike. Another winning point in my book and not the ego driven sex maniac you attempt to portray.
And, Ms. Birkit just graduated Law School, so your portrayal of the stereotypical doe-eyed college intern is extremely inaccurate, as is your insinuation that these women “spend long hours engaged in efforts to please him”. Silly me, I thought these capable women did the job they were hired to do. But, according to you, the expert, they are nothing more than a paid harem.
Today’s woman has a lot more control of her sexuality than you are willing to admit. Way to throw women back to The Dark Ages.
October 9th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
How sad that women still don’t know how to talk to one another. How sad that when one woman expresses herself- other women feel the need to persecute. I’m guessing the anger is a result of a very limited opportunity to express it. Naomi Wolf comes to mind…..she reminds me that as long as women are pitted against each other, we will all suffer. How unfortunate that we have missed the point of Jane’s article-and how sad that we all fight over our rights to have opinions. We still seem to need to act out more than consider. I have to ask the other women here- did David Letterman write to us? No. I love your opinions- however- I’m not sure you truly understand that they are just that-for all of us.
October 18th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Persecute? Because we have an opposing opinion? Are we women supposed to automatically support each others opinion because we share the same body parts?
I’m guessing you don’t understand that there are women out there who have complete control of their lives and their sexuality. I’m also guessing you think most, if not all, women have damaged self-esteem.
They don’t.
Do abusive relationships exist? Absolutely. I highly doubt this is one of them.