Recently I heard someone tell the following story and I really liked it. Then it came across my email today, so I share it with you…

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym…

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia,the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia…

If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them..where is IT? Therefore, they don’t have kids either. Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jane-shure/spanx-shaping-anxiety-for_b_595596.html

Leave it to the fashion industry to find new and improved ways for instilling fear in consumers. As if it weren’t bad enough that women were hooked on products that “enhance,” “flattern,” and “camouflage” our natural features, now we have men at center stage being sold a new category of clothing - “men’s shapewear.”

Reporting in the New York Times, Catherine Saint Louis tells us that in February, the Spanx line of modern girdle-like garments introduced its first line for men. Major department stores now carry them and they are expected to fly out of the stores like hot potatoes. Spanx will, of course, sell men on the idea that their products will help them “feel better” about themselves and do so at bargain prices since their clothing is priced well under the cost of the initial compression T-shirt designs of Australian based Equimen.

These “profile enhancement” undergarments are the female equivalent to a push up bra and girdle. Men now get to experience some of the worst that our modern day culture has to offer us in the way of self-empowerment. They, too, will get sucked in to believing that they’ll feel more attractive and hold greater confidence when wearing these apparel. Anxiety about men’s natural features (in particular their bellies) will grow exponentially. Ah, the insecurity and self-consciousness that ensues is sure to do wonders for intimacy and authenticity in relationships.

No doubt that men are capable of being convinced that these products will help relieve their back pain and support their muscles. That line was used on women for years and it successfully hooked many into wearing all sorts of uncomfortable undergarments.

My mother was one of them. A tall, beautiful woman, I remember her daily use of a girdle. She believed it helped her “aching back,” but years later dealing with my own aching back, I know otherwise. Strengthening your abs helps an aching back; strengthening core muscles helps an aching back. Not lycra or any other synthetic fabric.

I hope that boys and men have their eyes wide open and are cautious of stepping into a potential trap. Women need also be alert since many women buy clothing for sons or husbands. Be aware of the slippery slope in which one begins to “feel great” in their new look, followed by a growing sense of self-doubt and worry about appearing flabby. Then comes the natural body sensations that remind you of the ways your body is not firm, activating you to compare your body image to that of the ultra-firm one you have when wearing spanx.

Suddenly the “F” word creeps into your vocabulary far more often - that’s F for FAT - and with time, a cycle of body angst sets in. Beware - beware of the fashion and diet industries who have so much to gain while we have so much to lose.

Spending much of my on & off work hours helping parents raise children in a body conscious world, I was heartened to read Peggy Orenstein’s article, The Fat Trap, in last Sunday’s New York Times Magazine. She uses herself as a fine example of how important it is for mothers, in particular, to acknowledge their own body image issues and restrain themselves from giving out loud expression to them for the sake of our children.

Mothers are often shocked to learn that their self-denigration targeting their own body’s weight and size filters down to their daughters, sending them indirect messaging about the need to be anxious about their own body. When adults limit on our own negative self-talk, we limit how much negative referencing will flow to our daughters, nieces and cousins. When we enforce a commitment to eating “as though I didn’t live via a diet mentality,” we then model normal, healthy eating patterns for our kids.

These are the best inoculators for protecting our children from the onslaught of media messaging that encourages them to constantly compare themselves to others with a conclusion of not measuring up. We know that the result is being at risk to turn against our bodies and ourselves. Read on……..

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/magazine/18fob-wwln-t.html?emc=eta1

excerpt from the article:

“A 2003 analysis of the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, meanwhile, showed that mothers were three times as likely to notice excess weight in daughters than in sons, even though the boys were more likely to be large. That gave me pause. It is so easy for the concern with “health,” however legitimate, to justify a focus on girls’ appearances. For organic-eating, right-living parents whose girls are merely on the fleshy side of average, “health” may also mask a discomfort with how a less-than-perfect daughter reflects on them. “ ‘Good’ parents today are expected to have normal-weight kids,” says Joan Jacobs Brumberg, author of the book “The Body Project” and a professor of history and human development at Cornell University. “Having a fat girl is a failure.”

By the time my own daughter was born, I realized that avoiding conversations about food, health and body image would be impossible: what I didn’t say would speak as loudly as anything I did. So rather than opt out, I decided to actively model something different, something saner. I’ve tried to forget all I once knew about calories, carbs, fat and protein; I haven’t stepped on a scale in seven years. At dinner I pointedly enjoy what I eat, whether it’s steamed broccoli or pecan pie. I don’t fetishize food or indulge in foodieism. I exercise because it feels good, and I never, ever talk about weight. Honestly? It feels entirely unnatural, this studied unconcern, and it forces me to be more vigilant than ever about what goes in and what comes out of my mouth. Maybe my daughter senses that, but this conscious antidiet is the best I can do.

Still, my daughter lives in the world. She watches Disney movies. She plays with Barbies. So although I was saddened, I was hardly surprised one day when, at 6 years old, she looked at me, frowned and said, “Mama, don’t get f-a-t, O.K.?”

At least, I thought, she didn’t hear it from me.”

Here’s another article about a mother who is creating a documentary as a way of coping with grief from her daughter’s death at 18 from bulimia:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/22/fashion/22Melissa.html?emc=eta1

the film’s producer — Judy Avrin, Melissa’s mother, who decided to make a documentary about her daughter’s life and, ultimately, her death.

People deal with grief in their own ways, and those who have been spared the loss of a daughter or a son can only imagine how they would choose to try to cope. For Ms. Avrin, coping meant confronting her anguish and trying to make something good come out of i

The film, called “Someday Melissa” and now in the editing stages, has become for Ms. Avrin salve, distraction and cause — a way to get the word out to other families grappling with eating disorders that they are not alone; to sound the alarm that eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness; to help make sense of the senseless event that was losing her teenage daughter.