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I stare at my feet while unshed tears burn in my eyes. I brace myself as another wave of shame washes up over me.

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All of these white men and women started smiling at me like I was the prize wantted a box of Cracker Jack. One offered me a seat, which I declined because it was in the front of the room.

Rosanne Barr keeps nodding with the Quaker Oats man and then looking at me as though she wants me to join in. Ignoring her, I keep my eyes steady on him.

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I stay like that until he finishes and the room bursts into applause. Local women wanting sex Malta, some trembling, slip of a blond girl is reading what sounds like a list of rules, while this tall guy with a crew cut passes a basket down the first row.

People keep their eyes on the shite girl while they fish around in their wallets and purses for dollar bills.

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The following day, Ti show up to the same place at the same time and see the same people. Once again, I sit in the back, hoping not to be noticed, and exit before the meeting ends.

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Whenever Hws tried to stop on my own—all those times I tried to stop on my own—I could never stay stopped. I needed something else and everybody—the counselors, my therapist, my family, my friends— told me that this was it. Alcoholics Anonymous was the solution.

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On October 10,day 63 of my sobriety, I You look like an optical illusion up late, as usual and take a seat in the back of the room. By now everyone seems to know not to try and speak to me, but I know some of the faces and some of their names.

They say their names rry time they speak, and these muthafuckers really do like to hear themselves talk. A guy named David smiles at me and points to the leader. I smile politely and nod, accepting his assessment of the 50ish, short-haired, white woman at the podium.

I look around the room: My daily inventory-taking of everyone. I look up sharply at her, my eyes widening with sudden curiosity.

People admired me, respected me, trusted me. What if they found that this perfect parent they had selected to represent their school was a nothing but a drug addict, a drunk?

How would I ever show my face there again? How I survive if anyone knew how bad it had gotten? Not the dress or the boots although, I really do like those bootsbut the absolute sense of calm she seems to have as she shares about taking pills in her closet and hiding bottles from waned husband.

She shares this all with an apparent absence of nay, shame, or anxiety. She makes eye contact with people as she talks.

None of them seemed shocked or judgmental. They all nod along with her as if she were telling them a bedtime story. I find myself staying to the end of the ho for the first time and then waiting in line with the rest of them to thank the speaker.

What she tells me next changes everything for me in an instant. So, I do.

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I sit down quickly afterward, expecting to aa met with disapproving looks and terse words, but instead, that little slip of a blond girl, the one from the first meeting, comes over and sits next to me. She introduces herself as Lisa and thanks me for my share.

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Then, to my complete surprise, she asks me to sponsor her. I laugh a little and apologize quickly once I see the look on her face.

Lisa asks me and Gary the crew-cut guy to present her with her one-year cake. Afterward, when she shares from the podium, she thanks me for not insisting that there is only one way evwr get well, for showing her that there is more than one way to believe.

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My eyes are teary as I watch her, and I am filled with a sudden, unexpected wellspring of gratitude. Even still, I sponsor several women. Sometimes, I feel like one of those Looney Tunes characters who keep going after they run off of a cliff. When we aren't posting here, we build programs to help people quit drinking.

Coming Out as Sober Online: Travel for Work? My Religion is Kindness: Friends with Secrets: Going at it Alone: