Matthew Hussey says his professional mission is to help you find love. Though his books and Looknig channel tend to focus on the affairs of the heart of millennial men and women looking for love in an increasingly complicated digital agethe year-old Brit says he likes giving dating and relationship advice simply because it appeals to everyone.
Or if they've already met someone special, how to make that relationship as good as it can be. It's a universal subject," Hussey says. In fact, Hussey believes the things we want most from our relationship remain the same from Sweet seeking casual sex East Brunswick first date to "I Married looking for extra spark to binge watching Netflix on a boring Saturday night.
We sat down with the love guru to find out what Married looking for extra spark knows about keeping the spark alive — and how to reignite it.
Phew, big question. I think people don't want be alone. Ultimately, we want to feel connected. We want to feel like there is someone who actually sees us in the world.
That's the big thing: How many people actually feel seen? That quote in Avatar: Because when we feel seen, we feel accepted. We feel acknowledged for who we are. And very few times in our life do we feel seen.Free Sexy Girls From Vanceburg Kentucky
But we have the potential, the hope of that, in a wonderful relationship. I don't think the idea of being seen changes in its importance. I think it's always true.
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When relationships start to have problems, it's almost always because we don't feel seen by that person anymore. You can have someone in a year marriage, and they felt more understood by their partner ten years ago than they do today. We assume our partners aren't growing. Our Married looking for extra spark are growing.
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They're changing. They're evolving. The mistake is thinking that they're not. I can't say I know you this year because I knew you three years ago.
I have to be getting to know Married looking for extra spark all the time. That's what it is fpr truly see someone. I still need to be curious. Ten years into a marriage I should still be asking you, "What are your goals? So I don't think that urge to be seen changes. But I think we take that for granted if we've been together long enough. Familiarity isn't the same thing as true understanding.
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People have to understand, and one of my good friends, Esther Perel, talks about this in her book, "Mating in Captivity"there is a big difference between love and desire. Love is something where we're coming together.Anyone Out There Without Plans For I Want Sex
We're getting closer. We're becoming one. Married looking for extra spark when you think about it, early on in a relationship, everything is a gravitational pull towards being close.
But desire is the other component we need in a relationship. Desire exists in the space between Marrifd people. And when you close down a relationship so there's no more space, now desire can't breathe. So it gets suffocated.
And that happens in long-term relationships. You have a marriage that breaks down often, not because there's a lack of love, but because there's a lack of desire.
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And so the tricky part is we have to do what seems Married looking for extra spark sparm, which is to sometimes grow ourselves, or do something that helps our partner see us as mysterious again. And it could be something simple. It doesn't have to be taking time away from your partner.
It could be your partner's never known you to dance, and tonight you take a salsa class. Just enough for your partner to go, "Huh? Love is closeness.
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Desire is what creates closeness, right? Because the more we desire someone, the more we want to bring them closer.
But desire is created in the space between Chili-WI interracial sex people. It's the mystery of getting to know someone.Sex Dating In Clear Lake
Love Married "I know you. And that's not just true of an Married looking for extra spark relationship. It's true of our brothers, our sisters, our mothers People in their relationships, they think, "I've got my person now. I did it. I won. Now I'm going to focus on my job. Because that [relationship] will get average, and it will die if you take that approach.
Your relationship has to be a place estra there is zero arrogance. No sense of entitlement. Nothing Married looking for extra spark take for granted. It has to be a place where you completely kill your ego and come every day saying, "How can I be great for you? Any time you're with your partner and you assume that you know everything about them is a dangerous point in the relationship.
That's when people get complacent and comfortable. Every day we should wake up and say, "How do I impress my partner today? How could I be a little less predictable today?
People get so grandiose in their mind about what they Married looking for extra spark to do to shake up their relationship. If I call you beautiful, but then today instead of saying beautiful, which I say all the time, I say, "You look hot today," just a change in language can make someone go, "You never call me hot.
That's different. Although Married looking for extra spark may have said it's forever, nothing is forever unless Fuck buddy rome Grovetown actually commit to working on it every day. But if you have stopped asking the questions, "How do I impress my partner? Because it means you're taking for granted that this relationship is forever. And although you may have said it's forever, nothing is forever unless you actually commit to working on it every day.
It happens all the time.
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The saddest part about it is often you see it in moments where damage Married looking for extra spark already been done, or it's too late.
Or after they've broken up. Someone will break up with somebody, and after three months apart Mrried suddenly get enough distance to see the space between them again, and to see them as who they are again, instead of just, "This is my person.
And seeing that person in that light again — snap! If you want someone to see you new again, remember what it was you did at the beginning of the relationship. You probably had hobbies.
You probably had things that made you independently Slark. It's all about those things that we did in the beginning, and working them into a relationship. The Mature ladies in twin cities for sex to an amazing relationship is never stop flirting with your partner.
But people do. Proust said the the journey of discovery lies not in seeking new Married looking for extra spark, but in seeing with new eyes. Too many times in relationships people are spwrk a new landscape when what they really need to be looling is seeing with new eyes.
I think people stop flirting with their partner because people are lazy.Looking For Hot Sex
They're not doing the extra 10 percent that would make their relationship great. I don't have false modesty about this. In Sex free Fresno relationship I'm ever in, I never want to be normal. I'm always going sparm Married looking for extra spark to give that extra 10 percent.
How do I not make it about me? How do I make it about you instead? Most people will never, ever do the extra 10 percent because they're happy to be average.